Here is the church.
Here is the steeple.
Open the doors and see all the…single Christian guys?
Well, maybe?
I know that church should be the literal mecca for meeting men, and sure, I’ve met a lot of men at church, but not many available, ready to commit, I-will-call-you-when-I-say-I’m-going-to-call, guys. But heck, if I’m honest, I have not met many of those guys outside of church either.
When people find out I am a Christian Single Woman (I know most people say Single Christian Woman, but I’d like Christian to get top billing, not single, thank you very much) struggling to meet Christian men, their immediate suggestion is church. Thanks, Captain Obvious. I know church would be a fantastic place to meet a man. I get that. Believe me, I do. But that’s not as easy as it sounds. And does it really sound all that easy? No.
And why not? Because when you’re Christian and single (and looking), any church singles event that you attend feels very much like a meat market. M-E-A-T not M-E-E-T. Most churches have many programs available to singles of all ages. Dances, field trips to museums, beach clean-up days, etc. All are wonderful events with wonderful intentions, but here’s the rub: when they are billed as “singles events” they take on a whole new feel. They go from fun, casual and comfortable to “get me the heck out of here because I’m so nervous I can hardly stand it” events. Maybe I am speaking for myself, but as soon as I know something is a “singles event” tongue-tied teenage Megan shows up, not self-assured adult Megan. I freeze up. I get nervous. I feel like I am being watched. Maybe I am flattering myself. Maybe no one is paying any attention to me. But in all my awkward glory, I can’t help be think I’m ultimately drawing attention to my not-so-confident self.
What’s my problem? Why am I painfully uncomfortable at church singles events?
I have a few theories.
One: The Theory of Elevated Expectations. Singles events come with far too many expectations. Very few people (read: no one) attends a singles event looking for “friends”. Everyone is there for “more than friends”. Who needs that kind of pressure? It seems unnatural to sequester all singles into one event, room, dance floor or bowling alley and hope for the best.
Two: The Theory of Survival of the Fittest. When you put 50 singles in one room things can get ugly. Especially when the ratio is most likely 40 women to 10 men. Think of a real life version of The Bachelor where all the women are clamoring for the same guy because he’s the most attractive or carrying the biggest Bible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m competitive, but I have no desire to beat out the bottle blonde with Barbie proportions just so I can take home the cutest guy.
My last theory: The Theory of God vs. Guys deserves it’s own post….
Look for that later in the week!
I had a prompting to tell you something today after reading your article about your struggle in finding a good Christian man. The only place I have met committed Christian men is in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Not to say that all singles there are as committed to serving the Lord and doing His will, but because a man has to be worthy to hold the Priesthood, he has to be worthy to serve God in that capacity. Most men who are active and keeping the commandments will have a special spirit about them. They are acting on behalf of God in blessing the lives of those around them. In fact, if you have faith, and you find a worthy priesthood holder (single or married) you can ask him to give you a blessing from the Lord about the solution to this problem of finding a worthy companion. I know that the Lord wants you to have all the blessings He has for you in this life and beyond. I married my companion recently in the Newport Beach Temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and we were married by the authority of the Holy Priesthood for not only this life, but for all eternity. We are happy.